Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So squirting runs in the family.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
