and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
