nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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