I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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