Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
