she was so not down for the gang bang
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
