I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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