Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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