Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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