fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
