I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
