please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
