Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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