i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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