the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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