Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
