I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
