Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
