I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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