On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
