I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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