I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
