I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
