It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
