so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
