We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
