My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
