I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Randomize
