There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
