Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
