so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
