sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
we made out on top of his cat.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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