i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
