White coat. Heels.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
