I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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