i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
