what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Sext me about skeletons
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
