I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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