dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
