apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
now i know why i became what i already was.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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