This is not my ceiling
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
