If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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