Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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