its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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