guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
