I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
