What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
