I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
