I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
