Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
someone owes me an orgasm
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
