My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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