do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
