Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
