I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Randomize
