You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
