I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
