Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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