Im at strip club and am horny
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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